Funniest Survey Ever!

Full Name: Xanthar The Gelatinous Cube

Birthday: I wasn’t born, I found under a mushroom (a magic one!)

Height: a little shorter than my hair

Eye Color: gelatinous cubes don’t have eyes

Hair Color: gelatinous cubes don’t have hair

Nicknames: Xanthar the gelatinous cube

Screen Name: Xanthar_the_gelatinous_cube

Birthplace: the planet Koozbane

Hometown: I ate it

School: I am omnipotent to begin with, who needs to learn?

Favorite Salad Dressing: Head and shoulders shampoo

Favorite Shampoo or Conditioner: Ranch Dressing

Have you ever gone skinny dipping: would you be able to tell if you saw?

Favorite Color(s): edible ones

Best online friend(s): my clone

One pillow or two? Hint, I’m a gelatinous cube. I don’t have one.

Pets: I have a pet human every so often, but I can never keep one long, I keep eating them.

Favorite Movie(s): The Blob with Paul Newman (though the ending sucked)

Favorite Books: I already said I know everything. why would I need books?

Favorite Type of Music: Acid Jazz, Fuzion, and a delightful concept known as MegaDeath.

Hobbies: Eating people and growing larger

Dream Car: chocolate

Type of car you drive now: you DRIVE those? I thought they were garnishes

Words or phrases you overuse: Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuurp!

Toothpaste: Tastes minty fresh, makes a great seasoning

Favorite Food: Human or other Mammalian species

Piercing or tattoos?: It’s like spitting out the seeds…

Do you get along with your parents? Yes, ever since I ate them

Favorite Ice cream: digested

Favorite Soda Drink: nitrogenized blood (a good source is divers with the bends)

What’s your bed time: I never sleep

Most humiliating moment: humility: a strange and frightening concept.

Craziest person you know: I don’t know any people personally. I’ve met a few tasty ones though…

Favorite Holiday: the day after ones where humans eat a lot

Place to live: any old bucket will do

Number of kids: as many as bud off

Names of Kids: Xanthar 001, Xanthar 002, etc.

HaVe YoU eVeR….

Drank alcohol? when I absorb a tavern

Broken the law? not that I am aware of, but I have eaten several lawyers, judges, and policemen…

Had Sex? Hint: Gelatinous cube…what do you think?

Kissed? yes! that momnet of contact when I begin to absorb the food…it’s delightful!

Ran away from home? No, but I ate it…

Broken a bone? Ummm…I keep repeating….gelatinous cube

Lied? Of course. I lied in a valley, I lied in wait, I lied poorly on a golf course, about my golf score, you get the idea

Cheated on a test? When you know everything, you don’t need to.

Do YoU bElIeVe In….

Love at first sight? Sure. I have met and eaten several humans. I loved them all. Barbecued, raw, covered in shampoo…

Do you Believe In God? Of course. Even Gelatinous cubes must give place to a higher form of life (though there aren’t many

Aliens? And they were delicious too.

Horoscopes? For gelatinous cubes? How would that work, given that I was asexually reproduced?

Ghosts? Sure, Norton Ghost is a great disk imaging utility

Heaven? Hmmmm…where the humans don’t run away and they all use Head and Shoulders and toothpaste? You bet!

Hell? where they don’t of course

Yourself? I eat therefore I am.

WhIcH iS bEtTeR….

Coke or Pepsi? Depends who drank it

Oranges or apples? see above

Deaf or blind? Both taste fine to me

Pools or hot tubs? sure, it makes a great drink with dinner

Blondes or brunettes? works for me

Tall or short? Big or small, I’ll eat ’em all

TV or radio? Radio. those TV diodes and circuits are sharp and give you a nasty jolt when consumed.

AbOuT tHe OpPoSiTe SeX:

Honestly, what do you notice first? The flavor

Must-have personality trait: The flavor

Hair-curly or straight? The flavor…have you noticed the repetition here?

Hair-long or short? the flavor…who wrote this section?

Thing you hate most about girls/guys: When they wear metal jewelry. that can smart…

Thing you love most about ’em? the flavor…don’t you think this is getting a little too species specific?

Took a shower? with the tub and most of the surrounding house

Watched Bambi? …and Tammi, Lucie, Monica, Traci, and Suzie…

When was the last time you cried? I burned myself on a car that blew up before I could ingest the occupant

Got a real letter? stuck in my biomass

Told some one you loved them? Why? I need someone, I eat them.

WhAt Is….

Your most prized and important possession? Gelatinous cubes don’t require a lot of stuff

Your good luck charm?: I ate that too

The item you worship most?: myself, as you would expect

The worst song you’ve ever heard?: Gone, Gone, Gone (there is a sort of irony to that)

Most embarrassing CD in your collection?: Gelatinous cube…no collection

Your bedroom like? my bedroom? that’s a funny one!

Your favorite thing for breakfast? a little human on toasted vehicle

Your favorite thing for lunch: a small room full of people

The best thing that happened to you today? Two words: Passenger Train

WhAt Do YoU tHiNk AbOuT….

Abortion? Well, from a strictly gelatinous cube point of view, why do you ask?

George W. Bush? Tasted a bit off, and gave me the runs

Premarital sex? Think about it. Gelatinous cube, asexual reproduction.

Religion? Sure, I guess so. It doesn’t change the flavor

Hanson? No idea. I’m sure he didn’t give me indigestion

Alternative music? I don’t think about it

Rap? Fine, if you don’t mind hearing someone screaming obscenities every 5 seconds and talking about shooting law enforcement officials. To say nothing of the lack of talent…

Country? Play it backwards and you get your dog back, your wife back, your house back, you horse is resurrected, and they dig you up from the lone prairie.

Classical? Careful of the string section…those bows are sharp

Oldies? They taste fine too, if a little gamey

80’s music? Hey I don’t think age matters, but I admit I’m no expert

R&B? Salt and Pepper

Makes you laugh the most? cooking up answers to stupid surveys like this

Do you have a crush on someone? usually several individuals at a time, but I keep getting bigger so there is always room for more

Who do you go to for advice? Like I said I know everything. If I want your advice, I’ll eat you and ingest your intelligence.

Who do you hate? Nobody! You all taste fine. [note: there is a point here. We are ALL the same inside. If you don’t think so, I invite you to hold your breath for the next 60 minutes.]

Who has it easier, guys or girls? They both digest the same way

Do you ever save AOL conversations? AOL=Another Online Lamer

Who’s your favorite person/people to talk to on line? Anyone who has the time

Do you save emails? Some

How many people are on your buddy list? You mean ones I didn’t eat? None.

Best lyrics from a song: Mercy Came A-Running, Phillips, Craig, and Dean

Best song Title: R. I. O. T. (Righteous Invasion Of Truth, Carmen)

Best music video- Jurassic Park (Weird Al spoof of MacArthur Park)

WhAt ArE yOuR pLaNs FoR…..

Marriage? Ok, for the umpteenth time, I am gelatinous cube. think asexual reproduction.

Last night: Can I get some of what you were smoking when you thought THAT one up?

Tonight: Eat a small suburb

Tomorrow: Eat the neighboring suburb

~NOW MAKE ONE UP And add it on~

If you could go down in history as anything, what would you want it to be? The star of “The Blob…my hero!

If you knew you were to die tomorrow what would you do today? Eat everything in sight

If you cheated on your boyfriend/girlfriend would you tell them or wait to see if they found out?: Sigh…you aren’t getting the gelatinous cube thing, are you….

Are you going to go to college or stop at high school?: Hey, why stop at the high school? College students are extremely nutritious!

How do You think you will meet the man or woman of your dreams? Already ate them.

Who is your all-time best friend?: Me. I’m easy to please.

Have you ever loved someone so much that it made you cry? My goodness yes! There was this tasty person 2 weeks ago…I don’t know what they had been eating but WOW it was good!

What are your plans for after high school? To eat the staff as well

Who is the sexiest man/woman alive? Let me guess. You didn’t really intend to mail this to a gelatinous cube, did you…

If you could do anything you wanted to right now, what would it be? Eat a few more people

Greatest quote: “We have nothing to fear but fear itself.” (Franklin Delano Roosevelt)

How offten do you pick your nose?: I don’t have a nose! You really don’t get the gelatinous cube angle.

Do you lie on surveys like this? ALL THE FREAKING TIME!